First few days back in the US...

Third day of erratic sleeping patterns....There are some things you just have no control over, jetlag is one of them. Yesterday, Jan 4, I woke up at 4am. I said, okay, i'll just pretend I'm one of those people that have to get up really early to go to work. And so I fought to keep awake only to be defeated around 1:30pm when a headache started to give me over to the otherside. I started becoming cranky and felt disoriented and so I had to go to sleep. Woke up at around 7:30p, bought the kids some chow and went home and tried to sleep again around 10pm. Still, I woke up at 4am and tossed and turned for about an hour. I finally gave up hence this blog. Btw, the kids are pretty much on the same schedule as I.
On the emotional side of things, its pretty up and down too. Its normal for me to feel a deep sense of sadness coming back from any vacation. Its a little different this time. Who am I kidding? Its A LOT different! LOL! I feel somewhat lonely and confused a little bit. I DO take comfort in the fact that I know its temporary and it will pass. But the fact of the matter is, at this very moment in time. It here. hehehe
I guess its because I left the Philippines 7 years ago with a bad taste in my mouth. I was escaping a life that at age 24 went all too fast for usual people my age. It was all about bitterness, anger, destruction, confusion, etc. I hated my family, I hated my life, everything was just darkness. I was soooo confident before I left (if you would notice in my pre-trip blogs) that this trip would reinforce my decision to move to the US. I knew, I would come back patting my back.
Well, the complete opposite happened. I had the best time of my life! Bar none! the first week into my vacation, I was already starting to questiton why I left in the first place? Shocking but true. This trip was about relationships. Mending, reconnecting, discovering. My past relationships. I was so amazed to feel all the love from everyone, in one way or the other. Even from my HS friends and after college friends. But most shocking of all was from my family. Its absolutely the first time I felt the love of my family. I had this sense growing up that I didnt belong in any family or that noone really wanted me around. Well, that obviously, is a complete and total lie that i conjured in my head! Either that or people have really grown up and matured. You'll soon find out more detail about this when i start documenting my Balikbayan Chronicles pretty soon. I'm sure I'll be blogging a few more times this next couple of days to keep me from going insane from jetlag.
But, what really has helped me right now (literally), is chatting with my Ate Mel. She always is able to put my confusion into perspective like noone else can.I feel bad that we were not able to see each other because of scheduling conflicts. For almost ten years now although we are separated by the Pacific Ocean and the challenges of our own lives, we always find the time to pick up where we left off and she just manages to give me perfect timing advice 100% of the time. She calms my mind down when i start getting overly excited , overanalytical and overintellectual. hahaha Thanks, ate mel! You are SO RIGHT in saying that vacations have a way of making life SURREAL. I feel much better now. I love you! Promise, when Im back mid-July you'll be the first person on my list!
I've been chatting with her while finishing this blog. And so, a million messages later, Im a step closer to recovering from post vacation blues. I wish this would go away already so I can get back on my saddle without looking back at what I Ieft behind...